Coming Soon to a Real American Town Near You!

“Four Thousand BC!” – (Historical romance) The last surviving members of the Cha clan – beautiful cave woman Hot (Sarah Palin) and her studly mate Bet (Todd Palin) discover fire and all it can mean to a good filet of Tyranosaurus. But trouble arrives when they cross cudgels with the notorious Won clan, whose leader That stands for everything anti-Neanderthal. Also starring Mike, The Wonder Moose, as “Jake.” Rated PG, for too many big words.

“Schenectady, New York, New York” – (Fantasy) Joe the Songwriter (Sam Wurzelbacher) ankles The Big Apple and heads north to seek the All-American pleasures of life in a failing Rust Belt city. Depressed over his inability to find a word that rhymes with “Schenectady,” Joe buys the entire city and its surrounding suburbs on E-Bay. He and his theatrical troupe (“The Regular Joes”) then create an alternate universe in which plumbers and their friends rule the world.

“Splurge!” (Comedy) Perky Tina Fey, (hard-working Sarah Palin) pines for her Prince Charming and the polyester-free wardrobe she knows will attract him. So when her Fairy Godfather (Rudy Giuliani) offers her a $150,000 gift certificate at her favorite consignment store, she can’t resist. But first she must escape the clutches of the evil Cruella de Handler (Nicolle Wallace) who launches a whispering campaign claiming the princess is really a pumpkin. Co-starring the Republican National Committee.

“The Big Bailout of 2008” (Fantasy) Steve “Sergeant” Schmidt, Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher and Karl “Turd Blossom” Rove star as members of the secret Anti-Socialist League, super heroes who team up to stem the no-longer-creeping Red Tide of socialism as it threatens to swamp the shores of capitalist America.. These three tough hombres don’t always see eye to eye, but don’t get on their fightin’ sides, not when there’s 700 billion dollars – and all those free toasters -- at stake! Also starring Chuck Norris in a dual role as Karl Marx and Henry Paulson.

“Sisterhood is Powerful” (Documentary) Down-to-earth Everywoman Sarah Palin, an ex- beauty- pageant-queen-turned-small-town-mayor-turned- Governor-of-Alaska-and-mother-of-five must do battle with a wicked warlock (Walter Monegan) hell-bent on bewitching her, her sister, her sister-in-law, her sister’s sister-in-laws and most of the rest of the hockey moms living above the 49th parallel. Also starring Vladimir Putin as Sarah’s nosy neighbor, Charlie.

“No Country Club for Old Men” (Political thriller) Based on a true story. A crusty, absent-minded sea captain (John McCain) sets out for the Bering Straits and a date with destiny. But his crew, unable to understand their dread captain’s obscene outbursts, turn at the last minute to his spunky first mate, (Sarah Palin) who energizes them all by calling down the ship’s terrible swift boats. But the enterprise runs aground in stormy November waters. All appears lost until the first mate (don’t call her Ishmael) hitches a ride on the back of a passing polar bear and returns home, where she is recognized by a band of elvish toymakers as Queen Aksala Palindrome, rightful sovereign of the newly independent continent of Alaska.